Not Your Garden Variety Award
Many moons ago, I mentioned in this space that I had exchanged some frequent flyer miles for several magazine subscriptions. (You might recall that I’m the only father of five who has ever had to explain to his wife why he subscribes to the plainly inane Jane, with its monthly covers of barely covered female celebrities.)
But besides Jane, I’m also sampling titles such as Scientific American, Breathe, Wired, and, for a little variety, Variety.
I’ve received the daily version of Variety for six months now, and it’s been a consistently fun read. I especially like its slangy showbiz lingo, wherein anything unique is "spesh," movies are "pix," and actors are "thesps."
And as for information overload, well, Variety is spesh. Only via Variety could I have become the first person on my block to learn that Joe Buck, the male prostitute from "Midnight Cowboy," has grown up to become the Pope. That is, "Cowboy" thesp Jon Voigt will portray the late John Paul II in an upcoming film. (The opening scene: Young priest Karol Wojtyla hearing confession from Ratso Rizzo.)
Variety turns 100 years old in 2005, and has been celebrating in a variety of ways. An especially intriguing attention-getter is Variety’s "Showbiz Icon of the Century" — or SIC — to be revealed in a Special Centennial Issue — or SCI — coming out Oct. 17.
According to Variety, the SIC will be "the one entertainment industry figure who towers above all others."
I figured this could only be one person: The late professional wrestler and actor ("The Princess Bride") Andre the Giant, who was something like 7’ 5" tall and weighed about 500 pounds.
But then I learned that Variety is looking for the showbiz person with the "greatest commercial, artistic and social impact." That probably eliminates Andre the Giant. It doesn’t do much to improve my chances either.
For weeks now, Variety has been running an advertisement, promoting the big award. The ad includes photos of a number of SIC candidates. And I’m not talking about the rumored contenders for the 2008 presidential election.
Looking at these spesh thesp’s pix is a trip down memory lane. That is, if you have a memory like Jeopardy millionaire Ken Jennings, who’s probably the only person on the planet who could recognize all of the featured "industryites" (as Variety likes to call showbiz people).
For example, one person I showed the ad to could only recognize two icons who might be SIC: The Beatles and Mickey Mouse. Granted, it was my No. 5 son, who’s only 4 years old, but still. (My No. 3 and No. 4 sons, ages 10 and 8, wouldn’t even play; they just walked away, chuckling to each other "Hoo-boy, dad’s having another attack of geezer-itis!")
Ordinarily they’d be in deep kimchi for using that "G-word," but unfortunately, I was too distracted by the whole idea of "unrecognizable celebrities." Even I, renowned knower of obscure things, couldn’t identify their potentially SIC faces.
I decided this was a challenge from the entertainment gods, and I determined to solve it.
Approaching the ad like a Sudoku puzzle, I’ve deduced that the pictures are arranged alphabetically. This has me guessing the mystery pix are the following spesh thesps:
> Betwixt Brigitte Bardot and The Beatles — one of the legendary acting Barrymores. . .I’m pretty sure it’s Zeppo;
> Bookended by The Beatles and Bogart — my high school biology teacher, Omer Beeching (OK, maybe not, but it sure looks like him!);
> And sandwiched between Sophia Loren and Marilyn Monroe — well, I admit defeat. I can’t identify him. However, he looks ecstatic, as if he’s about to actually be sandwiched between Sophia and Marilyn.
If you’re wondering how you can make your voice heard, so that your all-time favorite industryite, be it Brando, or Garbo, or Gummo, gets SIC, well, fuggedaboudit. You got no vote. Variety is only polling "showbiz leaders, Variety reporters, Variety editors, and Variety critics."
Of course, if you ARE one of these eligible voters, then please, please, PLEASE contact me right away! I’ve got a great idea for a movie. It’s the untold story of the legendary "lost" Marx Brother: Ratso.
Wonder if Ken Jennings knows this: Rizzo from "Midnight Cowboy" was the legendary lost brother of Rizzo from "Grease." TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.
But besides Jane, I’m also sampling titles such as Scientific American, Breathe, Wired, and, for a little variety, Variety.
I’ve received the daily version of Variety for six months now, and it’s been a consistently fun read. I especially like its slangy showbiz lingo, wherein anything unique is "spesh," movies are "pix," and actors are "thesps."
And as for information overload, well, Variety is spesh. Only via Variety could I have become the first person on my block to learn that Joe Buck, the male prostitute from "Midnight Cowboy," has grown up to become the Pope. That is, "Cowboy" thesp Jon Voigt will portray the late John Paul II in an upcoming film. (The opening scene: Young priest Karol Wojtyla hearing confession from Ratso Rizzo.)
Variety turns 100 years old in 2005, and has been celebrating in a variety of ways. An especially intriguing attention-getter is Variety’s "Showbiz Icon of the Century" — or SIC — to be revealed in a Special Centennial Issue — or SCI — coming out Oct. 17.
According to Variety, the SIC will be "the one entertainment industry figure who towers above all others."
I figured this could only be one person: The late professional wrestler and actor ("The Princess Bride") Andre the Giant, who was something like 7’ 5" tall and weighed about 500 pounds.
But then I learned that Variety is looking for the showbiz person with the "greatest commercial, artistic and social impact." That probably eliminates Andre the Giant. It doesn’t do much to improve my chances either.
For weeks now, Variety has been running an advertisement, promoting the big award. The ad includes photos of a number of SIC candidates. And I’m not talking about the rumored contenders for the 2008 presidential election.
Looking at these spesh thesp’s pix is a trip down memory lane. That is, if you have a memory like Jeopardy millionaire Ken Jennings, who’s probably the only person on the planet who could recognize all of the featured "industryites" (as Variety likes to call showbiz people).
For example, one person I showed the ad to could only recognize two icons who might be SIC: The Beatles and Mickey Mouse. Granted, it was my No. 5 son, who’s only 4 years old, but still. (My No. 3 and No. 4 sons, ages 10 and 8, wouldn’t even play; they just walked away, chuckling to each other "Hoo-boy, dad’s having another attack of geezer-itis!")
Ordinarily they’d be in deep kimchi for using that "G-word," but unfortunately, I was too distracted by the whole idea of "unrecognizable celebrities." Even I, renowned knower of obscure things, couldn’t identify their potentially SIC faces.
I decided this was a challenge from the entertainment gods, and I determined to solve it.
Approaching the ad like a Sudoku puzzle, I’ve deduced that the pictures are arranged alphabetically. This has me guessing the mystery pix are the following spesh thesps:
> Betwixt Brigitte Bardot and The Beatles — one of the legendary acting Barrymores. . .I’m pretty sure it’s Zeppo;
> Bookended by The Beatles and Bogart — my high school biology teacher, Omer Beeching (OK, maybe not, but it sure looks like him!);
> And sandwiched between Sophia Loren and Marilyn Monroe — well, I admit defeat. I can’t identify him. However, he looks ecstatic, as if he’s about to actually be sandwiched between Sophia and Marilyn.
If you’re wondering how you can make your voice heard, so that your all-time favorite industryite, be it Brando, or Garbo, or Gummo, gets SIC, well, fuggedaboudit. You got no vote. Variety is only polling "showbiz leaders, Variety reporters, Variety editors, and Variety critics."
Of course, if you ARE one of these eligible voters, then please, please, PLEASE contact me right away! I’ve got a great idea for a movie. It’s the untold story of the legendary "lost" Marx Brother: Ratso.
# # #
Wonder if Ken Jennings knows this: Rizzo from "Midnight Cowboy" was the legendary lost brother of Rizzo from "Grease." TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.
posted by Don Stuart at 12:39 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home