On the Verge of In-sand-ity
I'm sitting on a Lake Michigan beach as I write this, partly because I want to be closer to this week's subject. But I also want to tap-tap-tap on a keyboard while the waves lap-lap-lap at my toes, like those romantic scenes in advertisements from computer makers, software companies and investment firms. You know, the ads with shiny, happy people in beach chairs, dangling their toes in the surf while grinning sappily at their monitors?
So far, I'm feeling pretty sappy, but I definitely don't feel like grinning. Because a few feet upwind is a rotting salmon carcass. And the breeze that's wafting its aroma toward me is also blowing away the sticky notes with my hilarious column ideas. Then there's this muscle-bound surfer dude escorting my wife away (why is she grinning so sappily?) after kicking sand in my face.
Oh well, the sand is why I'm here, because it's today's topic. Specifically the World Championships of Sand Sculpture, which get underway tomorrow in Dish, Calif. (formerly known as Los Angeles).
Just joking. The competition (shouldn't they call it the World Sandpionships?) runs through next Sunday in a town named after the Quiet Beatle: Harrison Hot Springs, British Columbia. I'd explain where to find this place on a map, but my atlas is buried under the sand that surfer dude kicked on me.
I learned about this event from a magazine article, which also included tips for making great sand castles from a "Master Sand Sculptor" and world championship contender named — really — Sandy Feet. (Her birth name is Lucinda Wierenga; too bad she didn't turn her first name into this beachin' moniker: "Loose-sanda.")
Sandy Feet has spent years achieving sandy feats. She's even written a book about how to make "perfect" sandcastles, which I know my family desperately needs to make our beach time more process-oriented and results-driven.
I guess it's hard for Sandy to take sand castles casually. Like all of the participants at the championships, she's created a full-time business out of her sand sculpting abilities. Sandy Feet's feet get sandy every year while sculpting in Germany, Italy and Japan. And a Website for a husband/wife team of sand sculptors from Florida shows off pieces they've created for Disney, the NCAA Final Four, Budweiser, and Pepperidge Farm. The Pepperidge Farm sculpture is an eight-foot tall platter of cookies; I think they're pecan sandies.
If you're wondering how these people turned child's play into their job, just check out the pictures of past world champion sculptures on Harrisand.org. We're talking serious design and architecture. There are no little kids with lime green plastic buckets and orange plastic scoops anywhere in sight.
Still, the sculptors competing at Harrison Hot Springs are using the same materials that any little kid would — sand and water. Unfortunately, in a scandal just like the one embroiling the Tour de France, some artists have been accused of enhancing the "chemistry" of their sand by using EPO — epoxy, paste and Oreo cookies.
Cheating shouldn't be a problem in Harrison Hot Springs, because the sand there is already out of the ordinary. The contest is held on the shores of an inland lake, and the official competition Website describes the sand as "angular, with a high silt content, which increases its bindability." Hmmm. Sounds like a good remedy for diarrhea.
Speaking of natural bodily functions, one of last year's prize-winning sculptures was called — really — "Too Pooped to Pee." A couple years ago, one of the winning works was called "Wild Wild Breast." I think it was a recreation of a famous moment in Super Bowl halftime history.
In fact, over the years, the world championships have seen a lot of sand sculptures meticulously molded into, ahem, anatomically correct shapes. Maybe this is what one world championship participant meant when he said that the competitors at Harrison Hot Springs have "twice as much fun as any 500 normal beachgoers would."
From where I sit, I strongly doubt that —this surfer dude kicking sand in my face sure seems to be having a great time. I just wish my wife would stop rooting him on.
When you're all dune reading this, sand me an e-mail. TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.
So far, I'm feeling pretty sappy, but I definitely don't feel like grinning. Because a few feet upwind is a rotting salmon carcass. And the breeze that's wafting its aroma toward me is also blowing away the sticky notes with my hilarious column ideas. Then there's this muscle-bound surfer dude escorting my wife away (why is she grinning so sappily?) after kicking sand in my face.
Oh well, the sand is why I'm here, because it's today's topic. Specifically the World Championships of Sand Sculpture, which get underway tomorrow in Dish, Calif. (formerly known as Los Angeles).
Just joking. The competition (shouldn't they call it the World Sandpionships?) runs through next Sunday in a town named after the Quiet Beatle: Harrison Hot Springs, British Columbia. I'd explain where to find this place on a map, but my atlas is buried under the sand that surfer dude kicked on me.
I learned about this event from a magazine article, which also included tips for making great sand castles from a "Master Sand Sculptor" and world championship contender named — really — Sandy Feet. (Her birth name is Lucinda Wierenga; too bad she didn't turn her first name into this beachin' moniker: "Loose-sanda.")
Sandy Feet has spent years achieving sandy feats. She's even written a book about how to make "perfect" sandcastles, which I know my family desperately needs to make our beach time more process-oriented and results-driven.
I guess it's hard for Sandy to take sand castles casually. Like all of the participants at the championships, she's created a full-time business out of her sand sculpting abilities. Sandy Feet's feet get sandy every year while sculpting in Germany, Italy and Japan. And a Website for a husband/wife team of sand sculptors from Florida shows off pieces they've created for Disney, the NCAA Final Four, Budweiser, and Pepperidge Farm. The Pepperidge Farm sculpture is an eight-foot tall platter of cookies; I think they're pecan sandies.
If you're wondering how these people turned child's play into their job, just check out the pictures of past world champion sculptures on Harrisand.org. We're talking serious design and architecture. There are no little kids with lime green plastic buckets and orange plastic scoops anywhere in sight.
Still, the sculptors competing at Harrison Hot Springs are using the same materials that any little kid would — sand and water. Unfortunately, in a scandal just like the one embroiling the Tour de France, some artists have been accused of enhancing the "chemistry" of their sand by using EPO — epoxy, paste and Oreo cookies.
Cheating shouldn't be a problem in Harrison Hot Springs, because the sand there is already out of the ordinary. The contest is held on the shores of an inland lake, and the official competition Website describes the sand as "angular, with a high silt content, which increases its bindability." Hmmm. Sounds like a good remedy for diarrhea.
Speaking of natural bodily functions, one of last year's prize-winning sculptures was called — really — "Too Pooped to Pee." A couple years ago, one of the winning works was called "Wild Wild Breast." I think it was a recreation of a famous moment in Super Bowl halftime history.
In fact, over the years, the world championships have seen a lot of sand sculptures meticulously molded into, ahem, anatomically correct shapes. Maybe this is what one world championship participant meant when he said that the competitors at Harrison Hot Springs have "twice as much fun as any 500 normal beachgoers would."
From where I sit, I strongly doubt that —this surfer dude kicking sand in my face sure seems to be having a great time. I just wish my wife would stop rooting him on.
# # #
When you're all dune reading this, sand me an e-mail. TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.
posted by Don Stuart at 2:53 PM
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