Time for a Choc Talk

Sixteen thousand, four hundred. Can you believe that many links came back when I Googled the phrase “I hate chocolate”?

I couldn’t either, and upon further investigation, I found these unbelievable expressions of chocohate:

> “I hate chocolate. I don't like the taste, the smell, or the texture. I'll eat a Snickers bar, or some other candy bars with chocolate in them. I’ll also eat M&M's if they have peanuts in them. I like those!”
> “I hate chocolate. But I love chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and chocolate milk. Okay, maybe I don't hate chocolate that much.”
> “I hate chocolate. It’s just that when you eat some that’s really good, it’s a real bummer when there’s no more and your mouth is saying ‘Please please I need more!’”

Like I said, unbelievable! These people DON’T hate chocolate. They like-it, love-it, crave-it. As most everyone does this time of year, when St. Valentine’s Day inspires people everywhere to exchange chocolate boxes the size of freight cars. Nationwide, chocolate is the second most popular gift of the holiday, just after lovingly hand-crafted scrapbooks of my columns.

For those looking for just the right chocolate (Careful! Don’t smear it on your scrapbooks!), here are some things to keep in mind:

Chocolate Science and Arts:
> A study in last November’s “Journal of Proteome Research” says chocoholics have different bacteria in their stomachs than people who don’t crave chocolate. I’d explain more about this, but it requires words like “plasma metabolic profiles,” “urine samples” and “intestinal flora,” and I don’t want to be blamed when you think of those things while munching your V-Day chocolate.

I will mention that this type of research is called "nutrimetabonomics," a sophisticated research technique that examines how science can be used to take all the fun out of eating.

> Chocolate syrup was used to fake blood in the famous shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock's “Psycho.” Uh-oh, now I’m daydreaming of that yummy Janet Leigh covered in chocolate. . .must drive thought from mind! Intestinal flora, intestinal flora, intestinal flora!!!

Whew, I’m better now.

> The Massachusetts Institute of Technology has a student club called The Laboratory of Chocolate Science, which aims to “spread the appreciation of chocolate all over campus." They screen movies with chocolate themes (“Psycho” is a big favorite), hold lectures, and host a chocolate tasting around Valentine’s Day. In accordance with MIT regulations, the club promises on its website to “not discriminate based on any characteristic, including a preference for dark, milk, or white chocolate.”

Chocolate events:
> At the Chocolate Lovers Festival in Fairfax, Virginia (Feb. 2-3), the most popular event is the Taste of Chocolate. Admission is free, but every taste will cost you a $1-apiece exchange medium called a “pog,” which stands for “Please!!! One Godiva!!!”

Chocolate products:
> Kit Kat candy bars are very popular in Japan. This is partly because the bar’s name brings to mind the Japanese phrase “kitto katsu,” which roughly translates to "You will surely win!" This has led to mass purchases of Kit Kats as a good luck charm for friends taking school examinations. However, another Japanese phrase similar to the candy’s name is “kitto katto.” This roughly translates to "You will surely miss the cut." This has led to mass purchases of Kit Kats as a bad luck charm for enemies taking school examinations.

Chocolate History:
> Here’s my Mother Goose-ian version of how the Peter Paul candy company was founded:
Peter Paul Halajian and Calvin K. Kazanjian
Joined Calvin’s brother Harry and two Jakes: Hagop- and Choulj- ian.
But then their friend George Shamlian
Realized they – none! – knew candyin’.
So they hired Harry Tatigian,
Whose “Mounds” made them Richie Rich-ian!

Chocolate Gifts:
> If you’re in your sweetie’s doghouse this Valentine’s Day, try giving a Chocopologie. It’s but a mere trifle of creamy ganache with truffle oil. Oh, and it costs $250. Which equates to $2,600 per pound. Amazingly, you can buy it with only one pog (Pot of Gold).

I presume Chocopologies are sinfully good, but then, they'd darn well better be to overshadow the maker’s name: “Knipschildt,” which is Danish for “intestinal flora.”

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TakeFiveT5@yahoo.com