No Flies on this Medical Miracle
I don’t know about you, but from now on, I’m not going to worry if backyard romps with my kids results in nasty wounds that won’t heal. I’ll just ask my doctor to prescribe a handful of maggots.
Yes indeed. Maggots – the legless, soft-bodied babies of flies – are now approved as a “medical device” by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.
They’re called “medicinal maggots,” and they’re used by doctors to clean troublesome wounds and stimulate healing.
They do this by chewing and eating dead flesh. In a manner that meets FDA standards, of course.
Here’s how maggots do their medical magic: They’re sewn into the injured area – usually 5 to 10 larvae per cubic centimeter. They’re removed after 1 to 3 days, they complete some standard paperwork, and then head to the nearest dumpster for some R&R before their next procedure.
As far as training goes, maggot therapy does not require a specialized degree of any kind, although I heard a couple of particularly promising larvae were recently admitted to a California medical school.
Maggots have actually been doing this sort of work for centuries. Then antibiotics came along, and maggots were no longer the pretty boys of medicine. Many gravitated to law enforcement work, as seen on TV shows like “CSI: Ellicottville”: the presence of maggots in or on a victim can help pinpoint the time or place that a crime was committed. Maggots are generally willing to help the police in this way, although as a matter of course, they usually remain tight-lipped until their lawyers arrive.
In spite of the increasing use of medicinal maggots, some people – even many doctors – think maggot therapy has an EHOQ (Extremely High Ooginess Quotient). But according to a report on the Internet, a group of patients who received the treatment were very pleased with it, except for the occasional “nipping sensation.”
If your doctor is considering prescribing these wriggly Florence Nightengales for you, you might be interested in these actual questions and answers from a website called “The Maggot Therapy Project”:
Q: I have maggots in my garbage can. How can I get rid of them?
A: Throw out your garbage.
Q: Are maggots are difficult to kill?
A: Squashing works well.
Q: What should I do if I find maggots in my food?
A: Don't eat any more of that food.
Q: I think I ate a maggot. Will I die?
A: Yes, eventually, but probably not as a result of the maggot.
Yeesh, I suddenly feel I’ve had my fill of maggots; let’s talk about a couple other treatments the thoroughly modern doctor can pull from his or her valise:
> First, there's “Ichthiotherapy,” which employs flesh-eating fish to clean wounds in pretty much the way maggots do.
> Or your doc might call on the services of leeches. Leeches perform various functions that aren’t appropriate for a family column. . .although if you let, say, boys aged 6, or 10 and or 12 hear about medicinal leeches, you’re sure to hear delighted squeals of “Bloodsucking! Cool!”
Incidentally, some scientists think it may be possible someday to provide the benefits of maggots and leeches without using actual maggots and leeches. Rumor has it they plan to use politicians instead.
# # #
TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.
Yes indeed. Maggots – the legless, soft-bodied babies of flies – are now approved as a “medical device” by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.
They’re called “medicinal maggots,” and they’re used by doctors to clean troublesome wounds and stimulate healing.
They do this by chewing and eating dead flesh. In a manner that meets FDA standards, of course.
Here’s how maggots do their medical magic: They’re sewn into the injured area – usually 5 to 10 larvae per cubic centimeter. They’re removed after 1 to 3 days, they complete some standard paperwork, and then head to the nearest dumpster for some R&R before their next procedure.
As far as training goes, maggot therapy does not require a specialized degree of any kind, although I heard a couple of particularly promising larvae were recently admitted to a California medical school.
Maggots have actually been doing this sort of work for centuries. Then antibiotics came along, and maggots were no longer the pretty boys of medicine. Many gravitated to law enforcement work, as seen on TV shows like “CSI: Ellicottville”: the presence of maggots in or on a victim can help pinpoint the time or place that a crime was committed. Maggots are generally willing to help the police in this way, although as a matter of course, they usually remain tight-lipped until their lawyers arrive.
In spite of the increasing use of medicinal maggots, some people – even many doctors – think maggot therapy has an EHOQ (Extremely High Ooginess Quotient). But according to a report on the Internet, a group of patients who received the treatment were very pleased with it, except for the occasional “nipping sensation.”
If your doctor is considering prescribing these wriggly Florence Nightengales for you, you might be interested in these actual questions and answers from a website called “The Maggot Therapy Project”:
Q: I have maggots in my garbage can. How can I get rid of them?
A: Throw out your garbage.
Q: Are maggots are difficult to kill?
A: Squashing works well.
Q: What should I do if I find maggots in my food?
A: Don't eat any more of that food.
Q: I think I ate a maggot. Will I die?
A: Yes, eventually, but probably not as a result of the maggot.
Yeesh, I suddenly feel I’ve had my fill of maggots; let’s talk about a couple other treatments the thoroughly modern doctor can pull from his or her valise:
> First, there's “Ichthiotherapy,” which employs flesh-eating fish to clean wounds in pretty much the way maggots do.
> Or your doc might call on the services of leeches. Leeches perform various functions that aren’t appropriate for a family column. . .although if you let, say, boys aged 6, or 10 and or 12 hear about medicinal leeches, you’re sure to hear delighted squeals of “Bloodsucking! Cool!”
Incidentally, some scientists think it may be possible someday to provide the benefits of maggots and leeches without using actual maggots and leeches. Rumor has it they plan to use politicians instead.
# # #
TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.
posted by Don Stuart at 1:41 PM
1 Comments:
People should read this.
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