Future Schlock and the Blasted Past
While surfing around Yahoo's Website the other day, I spied an interesting offer. Yahoo will let me send an e-mail to myself. . .to be delivered 25 years from now. Isn't that amazing? Yahoo's Internet connection is almost as slow as mine!
Yahoo says an e-mail to your future self is a fun personal "time capsule," detailing your favorite music, clothes, and TV shows of today. Then, in 2030, you'll be reminded of how schlocky fashion and entertainment were in 2005. And how much schlockier they've gotten since.
While this idea is sort of appealing, it's certainly not new. I've received lots of e-mails from the past -- all of them dated Dec. 31, 1969.
Some say the 12/31/69 date stamp is the result of some computer code quirk. Balderdash! The truth is, we've got e-mails pinging wildly all over the space-time continuum! Heck, I've begun getting e-mail from the future!
For example, in late November, my No. 1 son e-mailed me a message dated Jan. 3, 2006. I replied lickety-split, with the usual assurances that, yes, of course, I'll deposit more money in his checking account.
But I also begged him to scan his old newspapers and send me the final scores and point spreads of every sporting event played in December, from football to tennis to curling!
To this day, I've never heard from him again. Well, not the "future" No. 1 anyway. I did get an immediate phone call from the "present" No. 1, who sternly insisted that I seek professional help right after making that deposit.
Obviously I need practice communicating with people who are already in the future. It's much easier, however, to deal with people who live in the past.
For example, from now on, I plan to develop a rapport with anyone who writes me from Dec. 31, 1969, by discussing newsy topics of that day with them.
If you'd like to try this at home, here are some actual events to bone up on, gleaned from my local library's microfilm of a 12/31/69 newspaper:
December 31, 1969 was a Wednesday. The weather conditions in the Midwest were. . .well, I'm not sure. The national weather map in the newspaper I studied was about half the size of a credit card, and as near as I can tell, 12/31/69 started out cloudy, followed later in the day by a gargantuan arrow shooting through the sky with the word "COLD" written on it.
The USC vs. University of Michigan Rose Bowl football game was front page news, including word that Michigan coach Bo Schembechler was suffering from gastritis. A photo of Michigan's defensive backs showed them looking toward their feet, where -- out of the camera's view -- Schembechler was doubled over in gastric pain. But he was still coaching, demonstrating the proper way to cover up a fumble.
From Hot Springs, Arkansas, came the front-page story of a haberdasher who served free cocktails to his customers while they shopped, and the badly-dressed tavern owners who wanted to stop him.
A story about residential electric rates revealed the average monthly bill in the U.S. was $10.37. Monthly!? I spend that much every day just on the lights my kids forget to turn off!
There was an Ann Landers column offering advice about a meddling mother-in-law, a dishonest friend, and a husband who gets blasted every night while "shopping at the haberdasher's."
A feature about the Notre Dame vs. Texas Cotton Bowl football game included a photo of the three surviving Notre Dame players from the 1920s who'd been called "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." The caption revealed that, 45 years later, they still had issues about that dire nickname ("I was Pestilence!" "No, no, Elmer was Pestilence! You were Famine!")
The article also described a bet between the governors of Indiana and Texas: Hoosier guv Edgar Whitcomb put up a hog, and Lone Star guv Preston Smith put up a 10 gallon hat, that he promised would be "filled with drinks mixed by my haberdabber-uh, hasherbadder-um, the guy who makes my suits."
Smith also announced he was throwing a victory party on Dec. 31, the night BEFORE the game. When asked why he was so confident, reporters noted that "Smith made several bizarre comments about receiving final scores and point spreads in ‘an e-mail from the future.’"
# # #
Remember to e-mail me, whether you live in the future or the past! TakefiveT5@yahoo.com
Yahoo says an e-mail to your future self is a fun personal "time capsule," detailing your favorite music, clothes, and TV shows of today. Then, in 2030, you'll be reminded of how schlocky fashion and entertainment were in 2005. And how much schlockier they've gotten since.
While this idea is sort of appealing, it's certainly not new. I've received lots of e-mails from the past -- all of them dated Dec. 31, 1969.
Some say the 12/31/69 date stamp is the result of some computer code quirk. Balderdash! The truth is, we've got e-mails pinging wildly all over the space-time continuum! Heck, I've begun getting e-mail from the future!
For example, in late November, my No. 1 son e-mailed me a message dated Jan. 3, 2006. I replied lickety-split, with the usual assurances that, yes, of course, I'll deposit more money in his checking account.
But I also begged him to scan his old newspapers and send me the final scores and point spreads of every sporting event played in December, from football to tennis to curling!
To this day, I've never heard from him again. Well, not the "future" No. 1 anyway. I did get an immediate phone call from the "present" No. 1, who sternly insisted that I seek professional help right after making that deposit.
Obviously I need practice communicating with people who are already in the future. It's much easier, however, to deal with people who live in the past.
For example, from now on, I plan to develop a rapport with anyone who writes me from Dec. 31, 1969, by discussing newsy topics of that day with them.
If you'd like to try this at home, here are some actual events to bone up on, gleaned from my local library's microfilm of a 12/31/69 newspaper:
December 31, 1969 was a Wednesday. The weather conditions in the Midwest were. . .well, I'm not sure. The national weather map in the newspaper I studied was about half the size of a credit card, and as near as I can tell, 12/31/69 started out cloudy, followed later in the day by a gargantuan arrow shooting through the sky with the word "COLD" written on it.
The USC vs. University of Michigan Rose Bowl football game was front page news, including word that Michigan coach Bo Schembechler was suffering from gastritis. A photo of Michigan's defensive backs showed them looking toward their feet, where -- out of the camera's view -- Schembechler was doubled over in gastric pain. But he was still coaching, demonstrating the proper way to cover up a fumble.
From Hot Springs, Arkansas, came the front-page story of a haberdasher who served free cocktails to his customers while they shopped, and the badly-dressed tavern owners who wanted to stop him.
A story about residential electric rates revealed the average monthly bill in the U.S. was $10.37. Monthly!? I spend that much every day just on the lights my kids forget to turn off!
There was an Ann Landers column offering advice about a meddling mother-in-law, a dishonest friend, and a husband who gets blasted every night while "shopping at the haberdasher's."
A feature about the Notre Dame vs. Texas Cotton Bowl football game included a photo of the three surviving Notre Dame players from the 1920s who'd been called "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." The caption revealed that, 45 years later, they still had issues about that dire nickname ("I was Pestilence!" "No, no, Elmer was Pestilence! You were Famine!")
The article also described a bet between the governors of Indiana and Texas: Hoosier guv Edgar Whitcomb put up a hog, and Lone Star guv Preston Smith put up a 10 gallon hat, that he promised would be "filled with drinks mixed by my haberdabber-uh, hasherbadder-um, the guy who makes my suits."
Smith also announced he was throwing a victory party on Dec. 31, the night BEFORE the game. When asked why he was so confident, reporters noted that "Smith made several bizarre comments about receiving final scores and point spreads in ‘an e-mail from the future.’"
# # #
Remember to e-mail me, whether you live in the future or the past! TakefiveT5@yahoo.com
posted by Don Stuart at 11:20 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home