Thursday, November 17, 2005

Whaddyaknow -- NaNoWriMo!

I'm sure lots of readers out there get a thrill from intelligent and entertaining writing, which sort of begs the question, "Why are you reading this column?" Whoops! Never mind that! Let's hastily move along to this week's topic!

Today we'll focus on people who delight in exploring new and uncharted literary frontiers. This is a particularly special time of year for such folks, a time when many find themselves in the obsessive grip of an amazing new novel. Not one they're reading—one they're writing.

You see, at this very moment, thousands of people are skipping sleep, skipping exercise, skipping personal hygiene rituals, even skipping some of the 13 "Law & Order" spin-offs, to devote themselves to writing a book.

Because November is National Novel Writing Month, also known as—this is a truly actual acronym—NaNoWriMo.

November '05 marks the seventh coming of NaNoWriMo, an event that encourages anyone interested in writing to compose an entire 50,000 word novel, from start to finish, in just 30 days.

You heard write—I mean, right: all 50,000 words must be written between midnight Nov. 1 and 11:59 p.m. Nov. 30.

I thought about participating this year, but consider the math: 50,000 words equals about 66.6 of my columns. Holy carpal tunnel syndrome! 66.6 columns in one month?! I deep-66.6'd that idea.

Yet it remains awfully tempting, mainly because NaNoWriMo has absolutely no quality standards. The writing doesn't have to be any good at all! And I'm certainly capable of that!

In fact, on the NaNoWriMo Website, the organizers guarantee participants that they will unquestionably write a lot of—well, something associated with the phrase "on a shingle," if you get my drift. (And if you do, feel free to move upwind.)

If you're wondering what sort of prize package is at stake, then NaNoWriMo isn't for you. Because every shingle, I mean single, participant can "win"; just deliver 50,000 words by the deadline. The first year, six of 21 writers succeeded, and of last year's 42,000 would-be authors, around 6,000 "won."

This year, NaNoWriMo organizers say that some 60,000 people are attempting to join this Book-In-A-Month club. This surge of interest in NaNoWriMo has many elected officials worried. They fear that the completion of 60,000 slap-dash novels would severely deplete the nation's strategic supply of stilted cliches and hackneyed phrases, which are usually striclty protected for use by elected officials.

Still, for most winners, there's a unique thrill in the long lonely hours spent writing, in beating the deadline, in getting their names posted on the "nanowrimo.org" Website, and in receiving emergency medical treatment for hyper-caffeination.

Now if you're thinking you'll be cute and compose a novel consisting of the same word, repeated 50,000 times, forget it. That violates NaNoWriMo's only other rule.

But there are no penalties for ingeniously padding your story with a few extra words. Padding a literary work is actually rather common. It happens in even the highest forms of written communication, such as weekly newspaper columns.

What this means is that it's rather common, actually, to find padding in a literary work. Even in weekly newspaper columns, perhaps the highest form of written communication, it happens.

Some people discover surprising new wells of creativity when they're forced to scale a 50,000-word mountain. For example, Chris Baty, the guy who dreamed up NaNoWriMo in the first place, has been a "winner" all seven years, and in an interview with the Boston Globe, he confessed that he's been known to give a character a hearing problem, "so that dialogue would need to be repeated."

Baty isn't the only NaNoWriMo staffer who also plays the game. Sam Hallgren, the organization's "Radio Producer," has finished a book every year since 2001. His bio on the NaNoWriMo Website says, and I quote, "Sam's parents have received cr*ppy novels as Christmas presents four years in a row. This year, if all goes as planned, they'll get another cr*ppy novel."

And Sam's parents won't even have to unwrap the gift to know it's their son's latest book. As in year's past, it'll be the only package under the tree that's wrapped in a shingle.

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Don't give me no (something associated with the phrase "on a shingle"), write me! Takefivet5@yahoo.com.

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