My Bowled-est Column of the Year
It’s time once again for my annual analysis of the extravaganza known as the College Football Bowl Season, ranging from the Good (University of Maryland tight end Jason Goode) to the Not-So-Good (Maryland center Andrew Crummey) and back to the How Good Did You Say He Is? (Texas Tech kicker Keith Toogood).
Let me remind you that you don’t have to give a Fig Newton about football to enjoy this column, so if you miss out on the fun because you thought this was a football story, please don’t complain to me. Unless, of course, you’re prepared to give me a Fig Newton.
TCU has the most appropriately named freshman in all the land: tight end Evan Frosch.
It’s sort of unusual for football players to go by three names, since it tends to make them sound like 19th century poets (example: Tennessee quarterback Jim Bob Cooter). Rarer still are the bold types who not only have triple monikers, but who go by three FIRST names. Troy State has two such examples, linebacker John Mark Patrick and lineman Jim Bob Williams; and of course, there’s the quarterback from Southern Cal, John David Booty.
The 2006 “All-Feathered Friends” Team: Rice defensive back Lance Byrd; Troy State linebacker Martin Teal; Brigham Young QB James Lark; and Iowa defensive end Robert Stork.
The 2006 “All-United Nations” Team: UCLA tight end Tyler Holland; Nebraska defensive back Tyrell Spain; Tulsa defensive back Anthony Germany; and, thank you again Troy State, wide receiver Clarence Denmark.
Rice has a defensive back named Bencil Smith, who weighs only 175 pounds. When he lines up next to his 300-pound teammates, he looks truly Bencil-thin.
The 2006 “All-Sounds Like A Faculty Of Eccentric Hogwarts Professors” Team: South Florida’s Brouce Mompremier; Utah’s Ammaron Wolfgramm; Navy’s Ketric Buffin; Texas’ Limas Sweed; West Virginia’s Guesly Dervil.
I can visualize somebody winding up in a cast after a collision between East Carolina running back Brandon Fractious and Northern Illinois defensive tackle Alex Krutsch.
Speaking of bone-crushing action, here’s the 2006 “All-Pain” Team: Minnesota’s Logan Payne; Central Michigan’s Curtis Cutts; Hawaii’s Alonzo Chopp; UCLA’s Darius Savage; Alabama’s Cory Reamer and Adam Slaughter; Oklahoma State’s Elliott Goudge; and Georgia’s Akeem Dent.
Alabama has a pair of freshman defenders named Brandon Fanney and Alex Butt. I’m praying they play in the pros someday alongside Penn State lineman Richard Cheek.
I suppose this guy’s nickname is “Brown-Noser”: South Carolina kicker Ryan Succop. Still, I hear he’s more pleasant to hang around with than his teammates, running back Taylor Rank and quarterback Chris Smelley.
There would be plenty of penalty flags flying if Boston College defensive back DeJuan Tribble ever squared off against Clemson quarterback Tribble Reese. The infraction? Why, obviously, it’s double-Tribble.
Well, I hope you walk away from this column with a little bit of new Knowledge (Penn State wide receiver Knowledge Timmons). But for those who feel like they just consumed a bunch of Baloney (U of Arizona cornerback Chris Baloney), here are some condiments to go with it: Tennessee linebacker Jerod Mayo and Virginia Tech running back Justin Pickle.
# # #
TakefiveT5@yahoo.com
Let me remind you that you don’t have to give a Fig Newton about football to enjoy this column, so if you miss out on the fun because you thought this was a football story, please don’t complain to me. Unless, of course, you’re prepared to give me a Fig Newton.
TCU has the most appropriately named freshman in all the land: tight end Evan Frosch.
It’s sort of unusual for football players to go by three names, since it tends to make them sound like 19th century poets (example: Tennessee quarterback Jim Bob Cooter). Rarer still are the bold types who not only have triple monikers, but who go by three FIRST names. Troy State has two such examples, linebacker John Mark Patrick and lineman Jim Bob Williams; and of course, there’s the quarterback from Southern Cal, John David Booty.
The 2006 “All-Feathered Friends” Team: Rice defensive back Lance Byrd; Troy State linebacker Martin Teal; Brigham Young QB James Lark; and Iowa defensive end Robert Stork.
The 2006 “All-United Nations” Team: UCLA tight end Tyler Holland; Nebraska defensive back Tyrell Spain; Tulsa defensive back Anthony Germany; and, thank you again Troy State, wide receiver Clarence Denmark.
Rice has a defensive back named Bencil Smith, who weighs only 175 pounds. When he lines up next to his 300-pound teammates, he looks truly Bencil-thin.
The 2006 “All-Sounds Like A Faculty Of Eccentric Hogwarts Professors” Team: South Florida’s Brouce Mompremier; Utah’s Ammaron Wolfgramm; Navy’s Ketric Buffin; Texas’ Limas Sweed; West Virginia’s Guesly Dervil.
I can visualize somebody winding up in a cast after a collision between East Carolina running back Brandon Fractious and Northern Illinois defensive tackle Alex Krutsch.
Speaking of bone-crushing action, here’s the 2006 “All-Pain” Team: Minnesota’s Logan Payne; Central Michigan’s Curtis Cutts; Hawaii’s Alonzo Chopp; UCLA’s Darius Savage; Alabama’s Cory Reamer and Adam Slaughter; Oklahoma State’s Elliott Goudge; and Georgia’s Akeem Dent.
Alabama has a pair of freshman defenders named Brandon Fanney and Alex Butt. I’m praying they play in the pros someday alongside Penn State lineman Richard Cheek.
I suppose this guy’s nickname is “Brown-Noser”: South Carolina kicker Ryan Succop. Still, I hear he’s more pleasant to hang around with than his teammates, running back Taylor Rank and quarterback Chris Smelley.
There would be plenty of penalty flags flying if Boston College defensive back DeJuan Tribble ever squared off against Clemson quarterback Tribble Reese. The infraction? Why, obviously, it’s double-Tribble.
Well, I hope you walk away from this column with a little bit of new Knowledge (Penn State wide receiver Knowledge Timmons). But for those who feel like they just consumed a bunch of Baloney (U of Arizona cornerback Chris Baloney), here are some condiments to go with it: Tennessee linebacker Jerod Mayo and Virginia Tech running back Justin Pickle.
# # #
TakefiveT5@yahoo.com
posted by Don Stuart at 2:33 PM
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