A Suspicious and Dingified Occasion
It's an auspicious occasion—or as No. 5 son (age 5) interprets it, "a suspicious occasion"—when one's child graduates from college.
Well, I've got one suspicious occasion down, and four to go, now that No. 1 son (age 21), is a college grad!
He got 'er done "on time," graduating from dear old EOSU (Expensive Out-of-StateUniversity) in four years. Determined to jump feet first into "adult" life, he immediately went on a six-week vacation.
This is because he doesn't start his first "real-world" job until late June. He had a couple of very appealing options for spending the time in-between. Inexplicably, he chose to traipse around Europe with three buddies rather than spend quality time at my new house, where he could've enjoyed emptying boxes, cooking and cleaning, and taking care of his little brothers while I doggedly yet selflessly surf the Internet for insanely hilarious column ideas. Darn kid.
No. 3, 4 and 5 sons came along on the trip to Indiana for the commencement ceremony. Beforehand, we had several long talks about the dignity—or as No. 5 puts it, the "dingity"—of the occasion. Predictably, there were spats about the proper way to behave and the proper clothes to wear ("I don't WANT to wear a shirt with a collar!" "No, NO! I HATE hard shoes!"). But my wife won every argument, and was finally able to turn her attention to packing clothes for the kids.
The weather at EOSU was cold and rainy, and we saw dozens of grads-to-be in caps and gowns scurrying through the rain to the ceremony. This convinced No. 4 son (age 9) that he MUST HAVE a mortarboard cap: "It's like an umbrella just for your head!"
The ceremonies got off to a, shall we say, "dingified" start, when EOSU's president was introduced. The gentleman's last name is Fong. But No. 5 misunderstood it, and turned to me saying - LOUDLY - "His name is 'THONG'?"
Next, the EOSU chorale stirred the crowd's emotions with a song called "The Alma Mater." These are the actual closing lyrics: "We feel we owe a debt to thee/That never can be paid." Every parent in the building began weeping. Or cursing, depending on how big a debt they owe.
We spent the next couple hours listening to "be all you can be" speeches and hearing the names of graduates mangled and mispronounced by the deans of their colleges. A guy named Justin was called "Justine," another guy named Christian was called "Christina," and a guy named Franck was called "Frank," when it obviously should've been pronounced "Fronk."
We also whiled away the time browsing through the commencement program, which featured several aerial photos of the EOSU campus. And I kid you not, No. 1 is in one of the pictures! It's unmistakably from the spring of 2003, at the end No. 1's first year. You can clearly see, right next to Droning Pedants Hall, what looks like the leafy crown of a medium sized tree, but is actually No. 1 son's prodigious freshman afro!
Finally, during the 93rd rendition of "Pomp and Circumstance," No. 1's name was announced by EOSU's president; No. 1 got his "Fong call," you might say, and he received his diploma.
The benediction was given by one of the new graduates, who expressed heartfelt wishes for good health to her classmates' parents, especially those whose children were moving back in with them later that day.
After the ceremony, we gathered at the rental house where No. 1 will live for the next year with four college buddies. (NOTE: Readers wishing to imagine the condition of a place inhabited by five 21-year-olds do so at their own risk.) While observing their, ahem, "relaxed" housekeeping standards, No. 3 son (age 11) commented that this looked like a place where everyone could "stop acting so dingified."
Of course, for No. 1, his days of acting dingified are just beginning. With his B.S. in Finance, he's going to work as a financial advisor, convincing other people to give him their money. Which means that from now on, he may legitimately be doing his job when he calls and delivers the line he's honed to perfection over the past four years: "Dad, get your checkbook."
TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.
Well, I've got one suspicious occasion down, and four to go, now that No. 1 son (age 21), is a college grad!
He got 'er done "on time," graduating from dear old EOSU (Expensive Out-of-StateUniversity) in four years. Determined to jump feet first into "adult" life, he immediately went on a six-week vacation.
This is because he doesn't start his first "real-world" job until late June. He had a couple of very appealing options for spending the time in-between. Inexplicably, he chose to traipse around Europe with three buddies rather than spend quality time at my new house, where he could've enjoyed emptying boxes, cooking and cleaning, and taking care of his little brothers while I doggedly yet selflessly surf the Internet for insanely hilarious column ideas. Darn kid.
No. 3, 4 and 5 sons came along on the trip to Indiana for the commencement ceremony. Beforehand, we had several long talks about the dignity—or as No. 5 puts it, the "dingity"—of the occasion. Predictably, there were spats about the proper way to behave and the proper clothes to wear ("I don't WANT to wear a shirt with a collar!" "No, NO! I HATE hard shoes!"). But my wife won every argument, and was finally able to turn her attention to packing clothes for the kids.
The weather at EOSU was cold and rainy, and we saw dozens of grads-to-be in caps and gowns scurrying through the rain to the ceremony. This convinced No. 4 son (age 9) that he MUST HAVE a mortarboard cap: "It's like an umbrella just for your head!"
The ceremonies got off to a, shall we say, "dingified" start, when EOSU's president was introduced. The gentleman's last name is Fong. But No. 5 misunderstood it, and turned to me saying - LOUDLY - "His name is 'THONG'?"
Next, the EOSU chorale stirred the crowd's emotions with a song called "The Alma Mater." These are the actual closing lyrics: "We feel we owe a debt to thee/That never can be paid." Every parent in the building began weeping. Or cursing, depending on how big a debt they owe.
We spent the next couple hours listening to "be all you can be" speeches and hearing the names of graduates mangled and mispronounced by the deans of their colleges. A guy named Justin was called "Justine," another guy named Christian was called "Christina," and a guy named Franck was called "Frank," when it obviously should've been pronounced "Fronk."
We also whiled away the time browsing through the commencement program, which featured several aerial photos of the EOSU campus. And I kid you not, No. 1 is in one of the pictures! It's unmistakably from the spring of 2003, at the end No. 1's first year. You can clearly see, right next to Droning Pedants Hall, what looks like the leafy crown of a medium sized tree, but is actually No. 1 son's prodigious freshman afro!
Finally, during the 93rd rendition of "Pomp and Circumstance," No. 1's name was announced by EOSU's president; No. 1 got his "Fong call," you might say, and he received his diploma.
The benediction was given by one of the new graduates, who expressed heartfelt wishes for good health to her classmates' parents, especially those whose children were moving back in with them later that day.
After the ceremony, we gathered at the rental house where No. 1 will live for the next year with four college buddies. (NOTE: Readers wishing to imagine the condition of a place inhabited by five 21-year-olds do so at their own risk.) While observing their, ahem, "relaxed" housekeeping standards, No. 3 son (age 11) commented that this looked like a place where everyone could "stop acting so dingified."
Of course, for No. 1, his days of acting dingified are just beginning. With his B.S. in Finance, he's going to work as a financial advisor, convincing other people to give him their money. Which means that from now on, he may legitimately be doing his job when he calls and delivers the line he's honed to perfection over the past four years: "Dad, get your checkbook."
# # #
TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.
posted by Don Stuart at 11:12 AM
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