Inevitable Things: Obits, Taxes and Mark W. Everson
Note: Four out of every five of this blog's Faithful readers (and there are only five total, I think, including my faithful cousin Kelland -- Hi Cuz!) have noticed I'm behind-ish on this blog; read this piece if you want to get caught-uppish. . .you just have to pretend it's, oh, say, April 13th or 14th.
One of the online outlets that publishes these columns allows readers to post comments about them. The other day, while scouring reader feedback for an ego-boost, I discovered this message from February, about my Winter Olympics Preview: "At least this is on the right page, the obit."
I'm not sure whether this is a put-down or some hip new form of praise. Regardless, I did what any eager-to-please, customer-focused columnist would do: I secured the identity of the person who posted the comment and sent an anonymous e-mail to IRS Commissioner Mark W. Everson, suggesting that "obit-boy" be audited.
I imagine Mark W. Everson was pleased to hear from me. I'm like a publicity machine for him. This is the third straight year he's appeared in my annual "Let’s Find Something - Anything! - That's Amusing About Paying Taxes!" column.
Unfortunately, as in years past, I was unable to find either something or anything. So, because I hear it's a favorite of CPAs, IRS agents and obit-writers everywhere, I've decided to re-publish my Winter Olympics Preview column.
Ha-ha, just joshin' ya, obit-boy! Actually, here are a couple of oddments to discuss with someone - anyone! – who’s willing to help you stay laser-focused on your tax-prep procrastination:
> Yesterday, I typed "tax code" into the search function on e-bay and got back 40 results, most of them electrifying must-have items such as the paperback book featuring the entire U.S. Tax Code ("One convenient, easy-to-use, 763-pound volume! Scads of Mark W. Everson pix!").
Naturally, the e-bay list also includes a record album by Elvis Presley. You might say "what the-?," but check the album description and it's immediately clear why it’s included in a "tax code" search: It features Elvis' least-known masterwork, the heart-rending "Notice Concerning Fiduciary Relationship."
> Speaking of Elvis, did you know that illegal drug transactions are taxed in 17 states? For example, if you buy illegal drugs or alcohol in North Carolina, you must purchase, within 48 hours, official state stamps that must then be pasted onto the illegal substance. This law has been on the books in North Carolina since 1990, and, would you believe, 60,000 fines have been assessed for failure to display the stamps? However, there are still a few upright, honorable illegal-drug buyers in North Carolina: 63 citizens HAVE bought them.
> If you find yourself wishing each year that you had more time to complete your tax forms, consider that, until 1955, the tax filing deadline was March 15. The extra month was added after IRS leaders realized the mid-March date interfered with the ability of IRS agents to properly conduct their NCAA tournament pools.
> This may cause you to gasp with incredulity, or smile wryly, or just turn to read the obits: In 1944, you had to file a tax return if your income was over $500. (Which is vastly more than I make from these columns; ya happy now, obit-boy?)
> Before I dive too deep into the history of taxation, I’ll just refer you to a Website known as the Tax History Museum. Here, you can absorb scads of useful knowledge about how, why and to whom taxes have been paid over the centuries.
The Tax History Museum is the perfect place to go if you find that working on your own IRS forms is way too exciting. For example, there's an online essay about the theories of taxation, which contains thoughts like this: "Progressivity seen from the perspective of marginalism was the theoretical crystallization of faculty theory."
By the way, if your toes began spontaneously tappin' while reading that last sentence, it's no surprise; those are lyrics from Elvis' "Notice Concerning Fiduciary Relationship."
TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.
One of the online outlets that publishes these columns allows readers to post comments about them. The other day, while scouring reader feedback for an ego-boost, I discovered this message from February, about my Winter Olympics Preview: "At least this is on the right page, the obit."
I'm not sure whether this is a put-down or some hip new form of praise. Regardless, I did what any eager-to-please, customer-focused columnist would do: I secured the identity of the person who posted the comment and sent an anonymous e-mail to IRS Commissioner Mark W. Everson, suggesting that "obit-boy" be audited.
I imagine Mark W. Everson was pleased to hear from me. I'm like a publicity machine for him. This is the third straight year he's appeared in my annual "Let’s Find Something - Anything! - That's Amusing About Paying Taxes!" column.
Unfortunately, as in years past, I was unable to find either something or anything. So, because I hear it's a favorite of CPAs, IRS agents and obit-writers everywhere, I've decided to re-publish my Winter Olympics Preview column.
Ha-ha, just joshin' ya, obit-boy! Actually, here are a couple of oddments to discuss with someone - anyone! – who’s willing to help you stay laser-focused on your tax-prep procrastination:
> Yesterday, I typed "tax code" into the search function on e-bay and got back 40 results, most of them electrifying must-have items such as the paperback book featuring the entire U.S. Tax Code ("One convenient, easy-to-use, 763-pound volume! Scads of Mark W. Everson pix!").
Naturally, the e-bay list also includes a record album by Elvis Presley. You might say "what the-?," but check the album description and it's immediately clear why it’s included in a "tax code" search: It features Elvis' least-known masterwork, the heart-rending "Notice Concerning Fiduciary Relationship."
> Speaking of Elvis, did you know that illegal drug transactions are taxed in 17 states? For example, if you buy illegal drugs or alcohol in North Carolina, you must purchase, within 48 hours, official state stamps that must then be pasted onto the illegal substance. This law has been on the books in North Carolina since 1990, and, would you believe, 60,000 fines have been assessed for failure to display the stamps? However, there are still a few upright, honorable illegal-drug buyers in North Carolina: 63 citizens HAVE bought them.
> If you find yourself wishing each year that you had more time to complete your tax forms, consider that, until 1955, the tax filing deadline was March 15. The extra month was added after IRS leaders realized the mid-March date interfered with the ability of IRS agents to properly conduct their NCAA tournament pools.
> This may cause you to gasp with incredulity, or smile wryly, or just turn to read the obits: In 1944, you had to file a tax return if your income was over $500. (Which is vastly more than I make from these columns; ya happy now, obit-boy?)
> Before I dive too deep into the history of taxation, I’ll just refer you to a Website known as the Tax History Museum. Here, you can absorb scads of useful knowledge about how, why and to whom taxes have been paid over the centuries.
The Tax History Museum is the perfect place to go if you find that working on your own IRS forms is way too exciting. For example, there's an online essay about the theories of taxation, which contains thoughts like this: "Progressivity seen from the perspective of marginalism was the theoretical crystallization of faculty theory."
By the way, if your toes began spontaneously tappin' while reading that last sentence, it's no surprise; those are lyrics from Elvis' "Notice Concerning Fiduciary Relationship."
# # #
TakefiveT5@yahoo.com.
posted by Don Stuart at 10:37 AM
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