What To Be -- Or Not To Be -- For Halloween
I just finished my annual interrogation by local, state and federal authorities. They grill me every October about my family's Halloween plans, nursing the same old fear - how deeply will the Stuarts draw down the nation's strategic nougat reserves?
Yes, my family looooovvvvves Halloween, specifically the chocolatized and candied substances that accompany it.
I imagine your household feels the same way. A recent nationwide poll showed chocolatized and candied substances are the top Halloween treats, named by 113% of the survey respondents. Coming in third was "money," which my kids like well enough, though they usually complain that it could use more nougat.
Our costume plans this Halloween are a little uncertain, even at this late date. Only No. 3 son and No. 5 have settled on their get-ups.
No. 3 (age 10) will wander the streets as the title character from the movie "Napoleon Dynamite," along with a buddy who'll be dressed as Napoleon's pal, Pedro.
If you haven't seen the movie, and you're hoping I'll explain these characters, well, I'm sorry - there's just no freakin' way to explain them. Just be warned: a 10-year old with a curly red wig, oversized glasses and a tee-shirt reading "Vote for Pedro" will probably come to your door on Oct. 31 and ask - in a odd throaty monotone - for some tater tots. Nougat-filled ones, please.
Speaking of characters with unique speech patterns, No. 5 (four years old) will trick-or-treat as Darth Vader, the famous character from the hit movie "Napoleon Dynamite's Adventure on Endor." Ha-ha, just joking. Actually, he technically won't be Darth - he's dressing up as Anakin Skywalker, which is how Vader began life before he slipped into Darth-ness.
My college boys are vague about their costume plans. No. 1 (age 21) said something about attaching several Barbie dolls to his body and trick-or-treating as a "babe magnet."
No. 2 (20) swears he'll spend Halloween night impersonating a college student, studying for a test. But No. 2's roommate is as excited as a four-year old. My four-year old, to be exact, because he's also gonna be Darth Vader - the cranky all-black-all-the-time version that Anakin became after his life turned into a big pile of Sith.
Finally we come to No. 4 son, (8) who's confounding us with his inability to decide on a costume. He'd prefer to go "as is," meaning without a costume. Not naked (I don't think), just not dressed up. That's unacceptable, of course, since it shows no Halloween spirit, and will not inspire the neighbors to shower him with chocolatized and candied substances.
He's considered dozens of ideas. At one point, I suggested Zorro, thinking he'd have fun skewering candy bars on his sword, like a gigantic choc-kebab. He mulled that for a moment, and offered what I thought was a variation on the idea - he'd go as one of the Three Musketeers. But he didn't mean a swashbuckling Frenchperson - he meant he'd smear his entire body with nougat and a layer of creamy milk chocolate.
I thought this idea might work, but I reconsidered when I noticed his brothers staring at him longingly and licking their lips.
That sent us back to square one, which caused No. 4 to sigh sadly that "deciding on a costume wasn't this hard when I was little."
At this point I have no more advice for him. So if you have a great costume idea for an eight-year-old boy, let me know right away. Otherwise, I'm leaving him home to pass out the traditional Stuart family Halloween treat - a spiral-bound collection of columns from this blog.
Hey, if you smear a little chocolate and nougat on them, they're really quite tasty! TakefiveT5@yahoo.com
Yes, my family looooovvvvves Halloween, specifically the chocolatized and candied substances that accompany it.
I imagine your household feels the same way. A recent nationwide poll showed chocolatized and candied substances are the top Halloween treats, named by 113% of the survey respondents. Coming in third was "money," which my kids like well enough, though they usually complain that it could use more nougat.
Our costume plans this Halloween are a little uncertain, even at this late date. Only No. 3 son and No. 5 have settled on their get-ups.
No. 3 (age 10) will wander the streets as the title character from the movie "Napoleon Dynamite," along with a buddy who'll be dressed as Napoleon's pal, Pedro.
If you haven't seen the movie, and you're hoping I'll explain these characters, well, I'm sorry - there's just no freakin' way to explain them. Just be warned: a 10-year old with a curly red wig, oversized glasses and a tee-shirt reading "Vote for Pedro" will probably come to your door on Oct. 31 and ask - in a odd throaty monotone - for some tater tots. Nougat-filled ones, please.
Speaking of characters with unique speech patterns, No. 5 (four years old) will trick-or-treat as Darth Vader, the famous character from the hit movie "Napoleon Dynamite's Adventure on Endor." Ha-ha, just joking. Actually, he technically won't be Darth - he's dressing up as Anakin Skywalker, which is how Vader began life before he slipped into Darth-ness.
My college boys are vague about their costume plans. No. 1 (age 21) said something about attaching several Barbie dolls to his body and trick-or-treating as a "babe magnet."
No. 2 (20) swears he'll spend Halloween night impersonating a college student, studying for a test. But No. 2's roommate is as excited as a four-year old. My four-year old, to be exact, because he's also gonna be Darth Vader - the cranky all-black-all-the-time version that Anakin became after his life turned into a big pile of Sith.
Finally we come to No. 4 son, (8) who's confounding us with his inability to decide on a costume. He'd prefer to go "as is," meaning without a costume. Not naked (I don't think), just not dressed up. That's unacceptable, of course, since it shows no Halloween spirit, and will not inspire the neighbors to shower him with chocolatized and candied substances.
He's considered dozens of ideas. At one point, I suggested Zorro, thinking he'd have fun skewering candy bars on his sword, like a gigantic choc-kebab. He mulled that for a moment, and offered what I thought was a variation on the idea - he'd go as one of the Three Musketeers. But he didn't mean a swashbuckling Frenchperson - he meant he'd smear his entire body with nougat and a layer of creamy milk chocolate.
I thought this idea might work, but I reconsidered when I noticed his brothers staring at him longingly and licking their lips.
That sent us back to square one, which caused No. 4 to sigh sadly that "deciding on a costume wasn't this hard when I was little."
At this point I have no more advice for him. So if you have a great costume idea for an eight-year-old boy, let me know right away. Otherwise, I'm leaving him home to pass out the traditional Stuart family Halloween treat - a spiral-bound collection of columns from this blog.
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Hey, if you smear a little chocolate and nougat on them, they're really quite tasty! TakefiveT5@yahoo.com
posted by Don Stuart at 2:12 PM
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