Lifting Ein Stein to Einstein
Today's column is a toast to Albert Einstein, a subject that No. 1 son says even I can't "dumb down." We'll see about that.
Einstein's on my mind because lately he's gotten almost as much press as the contestants on "I Want to be a Hilton." Why, plopped on the floor next to me are stories about Einstein from Smithsonian, Scientific American, and Cosmopolitan.
He's getting all this attention because, one hundred summers ago, he published a series of landmark articles and papers that forever changed scientific thought — revealing new concepts of space and time, establishing the existence of atoms, and identifying nine of the 11 secret herbs and spices in Kentucky Fried Chicken.
It was the start of a glorious career in, um, great-thought-thinking, a career so important that Time magazine named Einstein the "Person of the Century" (the last one, that is) and a writer named Samanth Subramanian tabbed him the "superstar stud boy of the science world." (Incidentally, there's no evidence that Einstein's colleagues ever called him "Stud Boy," although they did sometimes call him by the English translation of Einstein — "One Mug.")
To see if Einstein's legacy is still fresh among today's youth, I asked a couple youths I saw today — No. 3 son (10 years old) and No. 4 son (8) — about him. Interestingly, they speak of him in the present tense. Now THAT's fresh. No. 3 says "He's a nerdy inventor," and No. 4 says "He's the smartest person in the world." Oh, and they both say that he's got cool hair. As for No. 5 son (age 4), he says Einstein is OK, but that Obi-Wan Kenobi's intellect makes Albert look like SpongeBob SquarePants.
Einstein wrote his history-making 1905 papers while working a day job as a Technical Expert, Third Class at the Swiss Patent Office in Bern. He quickly became famous, and his bosses were so impressed that in 1906 they promoted him — to Technical Expert, Second Class. Really.
In fact, he didn't leave his job at the Patent Office until 1909. It seems odd that he stayed so long, but rumor has it that the Patent Office was the only gig in Bern where employees got free all-you-can-eat nachos supreme every Friday. Demonstrating once again that job satisfaction is relative.
That Patent Office is now probably named after Einstein, like so many other things are. For example, there's an element on the periodic table called "Einsteinium." It's a man-made element, discovered in the debris of the first hydrogen bomb test. Einsteinium has no known uses, which No. 2 son says reminds him of certain weekly newspaper columnist, though he didn't say which one.
In March, 1973, Einstein's name was attached to a heavenly body, and I'm not talking about Raquel Welch. It's an asteroid, originally designated as "Asteroid 2001." (Behind the scenes fact: Several asteroidologists refused to participate in changing the name of "2001" after receiving threatening phone calls from someone named "HAL.")
Ha-ha, a little film humor there, tossed in mainly to set up this paragraph: Speaking of films, Einstein has been portrayed many times on celluloid, including interpretations by Walter Matthau, Robert Downey, Jr., and somebody named Yahoo Serious, who starred in a film called "Young Einstein," and — like Albert himself — made the cover of Time for it. Seriously.
Someday, I hope we'll see Einstein played by the actor/writer/director Albert Brooks, whose actual name is -- actually -- Albert Einstein.
I wonder if Albert Einstein the actor understands Albert Einstein the physicist’s Theory of Relativity? It's been said that in 1905, only 12 other people in the world actually did. But nowadays, even a yahoo like me can relate to it, thanks to this explanation, said to have been uttered by Einstein himself: "You spend 30 minutes with a beautiful girl, it seems like a moment. You spend a moment sitting on a hot stove, it seems like 30 minutes. THAT'S relativity."
Speaking of relativity, if you’re not gonna write me, have one of your kinfolk do it. TakefiveT5@yahoo.com
Einstein's on my mind because lately he's gotten almost as much press as the contestants on "I Want to be a Hilton." Why, plopped on the floor next to me are stories about Einstein from Smithsonian, Scientific American, and Cosmopolitan.
He's getting all this attention because, one hundred summers ago, he published a series of landmark articles and papers that forever changed scientific thought — revealing new concepts of space and time, establishing the existence of atoms, and identifying nine of the 11 secret herbs and spices in Kentucky Fried Chicken.
It was the start of a glorious career in, um, great-thought-thinking, a career so important that Time magazine named Einstein the "Person of the Century" (the last one, that is) and a writer named Samanth Subramanian tabbed him the "superstar stud boy of the science world." (Incidentally, there's no evidence that Einstein's colleagues ever called him "Stud Boy," although they did sometimes call him by the English translation of Einstein — "One Mug.")
To see if Einstein's legacy is still fresh among today's youth, I asked a couple youths I saw today — No. 3 son (10 years old) and No. 4 son (8) — about him. Interestingly, they speak of him in the present tense. Now THAT's fresh. No. 3 says "He's a nerdy inventor," and No. 4 says "He's the smartest person in the world." Oh, and they both say that he's got cool hair. As for No. 5 son (age 4), he says Einstein is OK, but that Obi-Wan Kenobi's intellect makes Albert look like SpongeBob SquarePants.
Einstein wrote his history-making 1905 papers while working a day job as a Technical Expert, Third Class at the Swiss Patent Office in Bern. He quickly became famous, and his bosses were so impressed that in 1906 they promoted him — to Technical Expert, Second Class. Really.
In fact, he didn't leave his job at the Patent Office until 1909. It seems odd that he stayed so long, but rumor has it that the Patent Office was the only gig in Bern where employees got free all-you-can-eat nachos supreme every Friday. Demonstrating once again that job satisfaction is relative.
That Patent Office is now probably named after Einstein, like so many other things are. For example, there's an element on the periodic table called "Einsteinium." It's a man-made element, discovered in the debris of the first hydrogen bomb test. Einsteinium has no known uses, which No. 2 son says reminds him of certain weekly newspaper columnist, though he didn't say which one.
In March, 1973, Einstein's name was attached to a heavenly body, and I'm not talking about Raquel Welch. It's an asteroid, originally designated as "Asteroid 2001." (Behind the scenes fact: Several asteroidologists refused to participate in changing the name of "2001" after receiving threatening phone calls from someone named "HAL.")
Ha-ha, a little film humor there, tossed in mainly to set up this paragraph: Speaking of films, Einstein has been portrayed many times on celluloid, including interpretations by Walter Matthau, Robert Downey, Jr., and somebody named Yahoo Serious, who starred in a film called "Young Einstein," and — like Albert himself — made the cover of Time for it. Seriously.
Someday, I hope we'll see Einstein played by the actor/writer/director Albert Brooks, whose actual name is -- actually -- Albert Einstein.
I wonder if Albert Einstein the actor understands Albert Einstein the physicist’s Theory of Relativity? It's been said that in 1905, only 12 other people in the world actually did. But nowadays, even a yahoo like me can relate to it, thanks to this explanation, said to have been uttered by Einstein himself: "You spend 30 minutes with a beautiful girl, it seems like a moment. You spend a moment sitting on a hot stove, it seems like 30 minutes. THAT'S relativity."
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Speaking of relativity, if you’re not gonna write me, have one of your kinfolk do it. TakefiveT5@yahoo.com
posted by Don Stuart at 10:41 AM
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