Vegas at 100 -- What a Gass!
Did you know that Las Vegas is 100 years old this year? Of course I'm talking about Fabulous Las Vegas, Nev., and not Moderately Fabulous Las Vegas, Venezuela, or Not Fabulous by Any Stretch of the Imagination Las Vegas, N.M.
"Las" and "Vegas" are Spanish words meaning "The" and "Meadows." This makes me doubt that the mundane compact car from the '70s called the Vega could ever be popular in Spanish-speaking countries. Can you imagine offering the girl or guy of your dreams a ride in your "Meadow," while she or he entertains similar offers from rivals who are behind the wheels of "Hummeros," "Corvettattas," and "DeLoreanos?"
For a city, though, Las Vegas is a nice name, even if you couldn't find a meadow there to save your life. And it's definitely better than the alternative — the town was almost named in honor of the rancher who owned most of the area for a long time in the 1800s: Octavius Gass. Wouldn't that make for a great tourism sales pitch — "For your next vacation, come get your fill of Fabulous Gass!"
Naturally, Las Vegas is going full gas to celebrate its 100th birthday. Here's what's happened so far:
> At a huge city-sponsored concert and fireworks bash, a troupe of Elvis impersonators arrived on the scene via parachute. I was delighted to hear this, because it allows me to once again mention Elvis, who makes more appearances in my columns than any other dead celebrity, except perhaps for the charisma-dead Paris Hilton.
Also, I acquired a critical new piece of Elvis knowledge: If you're ever trying to describe a gathering of multiple Elvis impersonators, you do NOT need to stumble over the awkward plural of "Elvis," which often comes out sounding something like "El-vus-suz-suz." Instead, simply say "Elvi." In fact, the parachuting El-vus-suz-suz call themselves "The Flying Elvi." This name was blessed and officially licensed by Elvis Presley Enterprises, which liked the idea so much that it's changing its name to "Elvis Presley Enterpri."
> Las Vegas is offering any person who was actually born in the city — in a hospital, a nightclub, a meadow, whatever — a free pin that says "Native Vegan." Nice as they are, the pins are causing some confusion, because "Vegan" has multiple meanings: "Vegan" describes a person who eats only vegetable matter; and in "Star Trek" lore, "Vegans" are an alien species that eats only people who eat only vegetable matter; and among car aficionados, "Vegans" are people driving mundane compact cars.
> The mayor of Las Vegas unveiled a special package of birthday goodies to be given to all babies born in the city during the centennial. Among the gifts the newborns receive are pacifiers bearing a picture of the mayor of Las Vegas, medications to relieve abdominal Gass, and lifetime exemptions from being pestered on the sidewalks of Vegas by haggard-looking guys hawking helicopter flights over the Grand Canyon.
> Just in time for the 100th anniversary, a special Las Vegas Centennial committee managed to get the city's name affixed to a heavenly body — and I'm not talking about Eva Longoria. The gaggle of people authorized to name interstellar objects (officially known as "The Authorized Interstellar-Object Naming Gaggle") approved a proposal from the city leaders to name an asteroid "Las Vegas."
(This sorta ticks me off, since a few weeks ago, I asked for the nation's help in getting a moon of Jupiter named after me, an effort that so far has resulted in bupkis!)
The "Las Vegas" asteroid is located somewhere between Mars and Jupiter. But it almost didn't happen. Some members of the Gaggle gagged over the idea. They consider Las Vegas a noxious pox on celestial observation because it generates so much "light pollution."
But the Centennial committee found an 11th hour solution (something about celebrity gangster impersonators parachuting into the meeting and making the holdouts offers they couldn't refuse). Good thing too, because it was beginning to appear that the city's name was going to be pinned on an orbiting object a lot less sexy than an asteroid — a distant pocket of galactic Gass.
Take a gamble on sending me an e-mail. TakefiveT5 @yahoo.com.
"Las" and "Vegas" are Spanish words meaning "The" and "Meadows." This makes me doubt that the mundane compact car from the '70s called the Vega could ever be popular in Spanish-speaking countries. Can you imagine offering the girl or guy of your dreams a ride in your "Meadow," while she or he entertains similar offers from rivals who are behind the wheels of "Hummeros," "Corvettattas," and "DeLoreanos?"
For a city, though, Las Vegas is a nice name, even if you couldn't find a meadow there to save your life. And it's definitely better than the alternative — the town was almost named in honor of the rancher who owned most of the area for a long time in the 1800s: Octavius Gass. Wouldn't that make for a great tourism sales pitch — "For your next vacation, come get your fill of Fabulous Gass!"
Naturally, Las Vegas is going full gas to celebrate its 100th birthday. Here's what's happened so far:
> At a huge city-sponsored concert and fireworks bash, a troupe of Elvis impersonators arrived on the scene via parachute. I was delighted to hear this, because it allows me to once again mention Elvis, who makes more appearances in my columns than any other dead celebrity, except perhaps for the charisma-dead Paris Hilton.
Also, I acquired a critical new piece of Elvis knowledge: If you're ever trying to describe a gathering of multiple Elvis impersonators, you do NOT need to stumble over the awkward plural of "Elvis," which often comes out sounding something like "El-vus-suz-suz." Instead, simply say "Elvi." In fact, the parachuting El-vus-suz-suz call themselves "The Flying Elvi." This name was blessed and officially licensed by Elvis Presley Enterprises, which liked the idea so much that it's changing its name to "Elvis Presley Enterpri."
> Las Vegas is offering any person who was actually born in the city — in a hospital, a nightclub, a meadow, whatever — a free pin that says "Native Vegan." Nice as they are, the pins are causing some confusion, because "Vegan" has multiple meanings: "Vegan" describes a person who eats only vegetable matter; and in "Star Trek" lore, "Vegans" are an alien species that eats only people who eat only vegetable matter; and among car aficionados, "Vegans" are people driving mundane compact cars.
> The mayor of Las Vegas unveiled a special package of birthday goodies to be given to all babies born in the city during the centennial. Among the gifts the newborns receive are pacifiers bearing a picture of the mayor of Las Vegas, medications to relieve abdominal Gass, and lifetime exemptions from being pestered on the sidewalks of Vegas by haggard-looking guys hawking helicopter flights over the Grand Canyon.
> Just in time for the 100th anniversary, a special Las Vegas Centennial committee managed to get the city's name affixed to a heavenly body — and I'm not talking about Eva Longoria. The gaggle of people authorized to name interstellar objects (officially known as "The Authorized Interstellar-Object Naming Gaggle") approved a proposal from the city leaders to name an asteroid "Las Vegas."
(This sorta ticks me off, since a few weeks ago, I asked for the nation's help in getting a moon of Jupiter named after me, an effort that so far has resulted in bupkis!)
The "Las Vegas" asteroid is located somewhere between Mars and Jupiter. But it almost didn't happen. Some members of the Gaggle gagged over the idea. They consider Las Vegas a noxious pox on celestial observation because it generates so much "light pollution."
But the Centennial committee found an 11th hour solution (something about celebrity gangster impersonators parachuting into the meeting and making the holdouts offers they couldn't refuse). Good thing too, because it was beginning to appear that the city's name was going to be pinned on an orbiting object a lot less sexy than an asteroid — a distant pocket of galactic Gass.
Take a gamble on sending me an e-mail. TakefiveT5 @yahoo.com.
posted by Don Stuart at 2:38 PM
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