From Succat to St. Pat, from Mayo to MO
In last week's column (if you missed it, I'll mail you a copy for, say, 50 cents, plus $29.99 shipping and handling. . .or you can read it below, if you're a cheapskate), we discussed how a bottle of wine can be partially consumed, re-stoppered and enjoyed again later. However, we didn't discuss why this doesn't work with beer.
This question is being pondered by beer lovers everywhere - all of whom will conclude "Who cares? Bottoms up!" - as they prepare for St. Patrick's Day, one of the year's most important Holy Days of Ale-bligation.
We don't drink much beer at my house, but I spent the last couple days preparing other aspects of our St. Pat's Day celebrations:
* I practiced pinching people who aren't wearing green. Unfortunately, I'm too slow to catch any of my kids, and the wife pinches back - hard!
* I organized all my beer-related garments. Unfortunately, my only beer-related garments are the ones I've spilled beer on. Which is why we don't drink much beer at my house.
* I planned our annual March 17th family hour, where everyone sits at my feet sipping mugs of weak green tea while I lecture on the subject of my choice. Unfortunately, I was repeatedly pinched until I promised to take everyone out to dinner instead.
This is a terrible shame, because this year, I had several excellent lecture topics to choose from:
Topic: Did you know that St. Patrick wasn't an Irishman? He was Welsh. He was born around the year 390, and his birth name was Maewyn Succat. His decision to rename himself Patrick didn't bother his parents - he had a couple older brothers, so they still called him "No. 3 son."
Topic: Did you know that of all the towns in all the nations in all the world, there is only one named "St. Patrick"? And it's NOT in Ireland. It's in Missouri. Yeah, as in MO, USA.
As towns go, St. Patrick is somewhat miniscule. Population estimates vary from 17 all the way up to 19 persons. Interestingly, none are named Patrick. Although several are named Maewyn Succat.
But St. Patrick does boast its very own U.S. post office. This post office is actually somewhat famous because every March, its unique "St. Patrick" cancellation mark - in green ink, of course - is stamped on some 15,000 pieces of mail. And for a small extra fee, they'll scent your envelope with an odorant called "Eau de Guinness."
Topic: Besides its name, St. Patrick has something else no other town has - an Irish mayor. That is, a mayor who lives in County Mayo, Ireland. Of course the towns in County Mayo have mayors who live there, but what I mean is, St. Patrick is the only town OUTSIDE of County Mayo with a mayo who lives in County Mayor. . .I mean, mayor who lives in County Mayo.
St. Pat's mayor is Tommy Murphy, a radio personality from a town called Ballina. He visits St. Patrick every March, and was elected the town's lifetime honorary mayor in 1991, when he became the first person in the town's history to spell "Maewyn Succat" correctly.
Topic: Did you know that as recently as the 1970s, pubs in Ireland were required by law to remain closed on March 17th? People were encouraged instead to stay home and sip mugs of weak green tea while listening to lectures by their fathers. Now THOSE were the good old days!
Topic: From the sports desk - did you hear that Galway hurling star Diarmuid Cloonan may not be allowed to play in the All-Ireland hurling championship on St Patrick's Day? He may be suspended for arguing with a referee named - really - Aodhan MacSuibhne about whose name was harder to pronounce.
Topic: Did you ever hear this so-called "rule" about St. Patrick's Day pinching? If you pinch someone who IS wearing green, that person gets to pinch you back - ten times!
So if you see my wife on the 17th, be sure to slowly and carefully run your eyes all over her. Although I should warn you, yesterday she pinched me - hard! - for doing just that.
# # #
When you drink, you Succat driving, and you Maewyn time in jail. Let a non-drinker drive! And write me when you get home - takefiveT5@yahoo.com
This question is being pondered by beer lovers everywhere - all of whom will conclude "Who cares? Bottoms up!" - as they prepare for St. Patrick's Day, one of the year's most important Holy Days of Ale-bligation.
We don't drink much beer at my house, but I spent the last couple days preparing other aspects of our St. Pat's Day celebrations:
* I practiced pinching people who aren't wearing green. Unfortunately, I'm too slow to catch any of my kids, and the wife pinches back - hard!
* I organized all my beer-related garments. Unfortunately, my only beer-related garments are the ones I've spilled beer on. Which is why we don't drink much beer at my house.
* I planned our annual March 17th family hour, where everyone sits at my feet sipping mugs of weak green tea while I lecture on the subject of my choice. Unfortunately, I was repeatedly pinched until I promised to take everyone out to dinner instead.
This is a terrible shame, because this year, I had several excellent lecture topics to choose from:
Topic: Did you know that St. Patrick wasn't an Irishman? He was Welsh. He was born around the year 390, and his birth name was Maewyn Succat. His decision to rename himself Patrick didn't bother his parents - he had a couple older brothers, so they still called him "No. 3 son."
Topic: Did you know that of all the towns in all the nations in all the world, there is only one named "St. Patrick"? And it's NOT in Ireland. It's in Missouri. Yeah, as in MO, USA.
As towns go, St. Patrick is somewhat miniscule. Population estimates vary from 17 all the way up to 19 persons. Interestingly, none are named Patrick. Although several are named Maewyn Succat.
But St. Patrick does boast its very own U.S. post office. This post office is actually somewhat famous because every March, its unique "St. Patrick" cancellation mark - in green ink, of course - is stamped on some 15,000 pieces of mail. And for a small extra fee, they'll scent your envelope with an odorant called "Eau de Guinness."
Topic: Besides its name, St. Patrick has something else no other town has - an Irish mayor. That is, a mayor who lives in County Mayo, Ireland. Of course the towns in County Mayo have mayors who live there, but what I mean is, St. Patrick is the only town OUTSIDE of County Mayo with a mayo who lives in County Mayor. . .I mean, mayor who lives in County Mayo.
St. Pat's mayor is Tommy Murphy, a radio personality from a town called Ballina. He visits St. Patrick every March, and was elected the town's lifetime honorary mayor in 1991, when he became the first person in the town's history to spell "Maewyn Succat" correctly.
Topic: Did you know that as recently as the 1970s, pubs in Ireland were required by law to remain closed on March 17th? People were encouraged instead to stay home and sip mugs of weak green tea while listening to lectures by their fathers. Now THOSE were the good old days!
Topic: From the sports desk - did you hear that Galway hurling star Diarmuid Cloonan may not be allowed to play in the All-Ireland hurling championship on St Patrick's Day? He may be suspended for arguing with a referee named - really - Aodhan MacSuibhne about whose name was harder to pronounce.
Topic: Did you ever hear this so-called "rule" about St. Patrick's Day pinching? If you pinch someone who IS wearing green, that person gets to pinch you back - ten times!
So if you see my wife on the 17th, be sure to slowly and carefully run your eyes all over her. Although I should warn you, yesterday she pinched me - hard! - for doing just that.
# # #
When you drink, you Succat driving, and you Maewyn time in jail. Let a non-drinker drive! And write me when you get home - takefiveT5@yahoo.com
posted by Don Stuart at 10:48 AM
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